Have you ever felt like you are doing everything right, and yet everything is still wrong? Have you ever taken a look at your life and felt like you are ticking off all of the proper boxes and you are still drowning?
What do you do? What do you do when you are spinning all of the plates perfectly, and yet everything is crashing down around you?
You evaluate, that’s what you do. You evaluate and you look through all of the things and people in your life. If you truly feel like you are (for the most part) doing everything right and your life is still a stressful pool of drama and anxiety, you look for the toaster in your bathtub.
Um, Snarky, I don’t keep toasters in my bathtub. Everyone knows that’s a bad idea.
It is a bad idea. Chances are you still have one.
Here’s the deal. Some people are like toasters. Toasters are good. They are useful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a toaster. Most people love their toaster. It gives them toast, and there is not much better than a nice, warm, golden slice of toast covered in real melting butter.
Excuse me while I go make some toast.
Sometimes, this good, useful, perfectly normal person isn’t right for you. Maybe this person is just a little bit broken. Because you are a good, loving, kind person, you think you can fix this toaster. You think that with enough love, trust, and second chances, you can make this person totally whole. Suddenly, your life is spinning horribly out of control and you don’t understand why.
“It can’t be the toaster!” You say. “I can totally fix the toaster! It’s not even that broken! All I have to do is continue to use my metal knife of love! Then this person will be all better!”
Knives are great tools. They just might not be the right tool. How do you know? The electric shock, also known as your life becoming a swampy mess of dysfunction, should be a pretty good indication. Maybe your unconditional love isn’t the thing that’s going to help this person. Maybe they need a different tool. Maybe they really need a professional’s help. You are not a professional. Not only are you not going to be able to “fix” this person, but you need to get them out of your life for a while before everything explodes.
You totally have permission to exclude people from your life. Especially people who are distracting you from the amazing wonderful things you should be doing. Even if you are supposed to love this person. Even if everybody else loves this person. Even if this person is family.
You are supposed to be doing important things with the very few years that we are given on this planet. If someone in your life is making you feel chaotic, disrupted, and distracted, you need to take a serious look as to whether you are going to be able to accomplish these important things with this person in your life.
Some people fail to see the toaster for what it is. Some people think “Wow, that toaster there on the counter of my life isn’t really helping things out there in the kitchen. I know what I’ll do. I’ll bring it into a more intimate setting. I’ll bring it into the bathtub!”
This is when your life starts to spiral totally out of control. Everything is wrong. You feel like you are dying, but you can’t figure out why. You’re doing everything right. You are taking a bath. You’re using soap. The water is the right temperature. You even have a loofah! Why does it feel like you are dying? It couldn’t possibly be the toaster. The toaster is just doing what toasters are supposed to do. You have it plugged in, button down, why are you dying?!
Your most intimate setting is not necessarily the right place for everyone. Your least intimate setting isn’t necessarily the right place for some people. It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you, the setting, or the other person. It just means that the combinations isn’t healthy for one or both of you.
You totally have permission to not have all of the people in your life.
Is that news for you? Would it be a huge relief for you to get that toaster out of your bathtub or even off of your kitchen counter? You have permission to do that. You have permission to never even see that toaster again in your life.
What you do not have permission to do is to throw it in the garbage.
You do not have permission to blame your problems on someone who is just being their own self, simply because it is not healthy for you to have them in your life. (You would not believe how long it took me to learn that one!) It is not okay for you to degrade them, yell at them, tell others what a horrible person they are, or assault them. They are good. They are useful. You just don’t function well with them in your life.
So take a look at your life. Is it out of control? Do you feel like it’s killing you? Is it actually killing you, or is there just a toaster in your bathtub?
If this blog seems a little weird to you; 1. You probably haven’t heard me think much. 2. You probably don’t have a toaster in your bathtub, literally or figuratively. 3. You should know that this blog is a result of my feeling guilty about not having closer relationships with certain people and God saying “The fact that you like toast doesn’t mean you need a toaster in your bathtub, or even in your home!”
The Pastor's Snarky Wife 
I think the analogy is lovely…the toaster in the bathtub. Lethal combination even if the two things are wonderful by themselves. I’ve had to learn that business about keeping the toaster safely in the kitchen and out of the sink or anywhere water will cause the toaster to become a thing of death instead of something providing golden slices of bread toasted to perfection. (well unless you have MY toaster, and we’re not going there on YOUR blog). The person who taught me about keeping the toaster out of the water put it more on the lines of ‘remove toxic persons from your life and you’ll do better’ and she was right. Not blaming the ‘toxic’ people (I’m one to them too, after all), just saying it’s true it is better to kindly disassociate ourselves from people who we may love dearly, but to whom proximity isn’t a good thing. The trick is doing it without killing yourself…
Someone I admire once said “I love everyone. I just love some people from far away. “