Cards

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Christmas time is over.  It is one hundred percent done.  It is so far gone that I have friends who have actually started counting the days until next Christmas.  I don’t understand these friends, but I do respect them.  I also may secretly call them masochists behind their backs.

Christmas time is hard for me.  The sky is dark.  Like, all the time.  I do better when the sun is shining all the time.  Also, their are a lot of social type things at Christmas time.  This causes me to be exhausted, which causes me to eat all of the cookies that you will see at Christmas time.  People seem to think that they need to put walnuts in all of these cookies that I am eating, which causes my throat to close and that’s just never a good day for anyone.

This year, I had a plan to make at least one part of Christmas a little more fun.  I had a really cool idea that I was pretty sure The Pastor was going to really enjoy.  The problem is, I was raised in a very traditional midwestern household.  This means that I was never taught to ask for what I want.  Instead, we wait for somebody else to suggest the thing we want.  This leads to really profound discussions like this one.

“What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

Here’s a hint.  We both have something we want to do.  But we will keep repeating “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” until the weaker person gives in.  Then it goes like this.

“I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

“I don’t know, we could go bowling…”

“Bowling?  Really?  You don’t think ice skating sounds like more fun?”

And then we will go ice skating, because the first person to cave is the weaker person and we don’t do what the weaker person wants.

Now, I don’t really enjoy the “I don’t know” conversation.  To be honest, The Pastor is usually the stronger person and I will cave first just to stop having that conversation.  In order to avoid this, I usually will carefully craft conversations for us to have beforehand that will end with me getting what I want.  Some of you may call this “manipulation”.  Don’t worry, it’s actually just called “being married”.  Also, it’s winning, which I am the best at.

This time the conversation started just after Thanksgiving.  The day after Thanksgiving, we were riding in the car when I said “Oh, we should really get our Christmas cards out soon!”

The Pastor responded with something like “Uh huh…” because The Pastor really doesn’t care about Christmas cards.  I only care a little bit about Christmas cards, but I had an agenda here.

For the next few weeks I would occasionally bring up the subject again.  “You know, we should really get on those Christmas cards…”  And then I would drop it.

This continued until the day before Christmas, when I skillfully asked The Pastor “So, you got those Christmas cards sent out, right?”

“No!” he said “I thought you were going to do that.”

“Um, no.” I said “Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re…”

“The girl?!?  Like I should be the one to do all of the stressful Christmas things just because I’m female?  Like my uterus somehow makes me better at writing addresses?  Are you even listening to yourself!?”

By now my voice had risen to a high pitched squeak and The Pastor was looking nice and frightened.

“Fine!” I shouted  “I’ll send out the cards.  We’ll just do it like Buzzy does.”

The Pastor (wisely) said nothing and kept driving while I secretly smiled to myself.  I was pretty sure I had gotten just what I wanted.

Background information:  Buzzy is a good friend of The Pastor’s and mine.  She has bright red hair and all of the energy of a case of Redbull.  She is also exceptionally thoughtful.  Buzzy never sends out Christmas cards until at least January.  It’s not because she gets behind.  She has plenty of energy and organization.  Her thought is that January can be an isolated and lonely time for a lot of people, and getting something in the mail makes people feel really good.  Buzzy’s late Christmas cards are a way to make you feel really good.

I was totally on board with this.  Also, I had a really awesome idea.

In early January The Pastor and I were in the car again when he said “So, what do I need to do with these Valentine’s Day cards we are going to send out?”

I smiled at him ever so sweetly and said “Oh, we’re not sending out Valentine’s Day cards.  I have an EVEN BETTER idea!”

“Oh?” he asked “What’s that?”

“We are going to send out….GROUNDHOG’S DAY CARDS!  It’s going to be so awesome!  They will feature a picture of our family standing someplace warm and sunny and say something like ‘May the spirit of Groundhog’s Day live in the hearts of you and your family now and throughout the year.’  Get it? Because Groundhog’s day is a time of hoping for spring!  People will love it!”

The Pastor looked at me sadly and then drove silently for a long time.  I thought the discussion was over and that I had won.  Finally, The Pastor carefully said “We are not sending out Groundhog’s Day cards.”

Um, what?

“Don’t you think Groundhog’s Day cards might be a little…weird?”

No.  No I did not think Groundhog’s Day cards would be weird.  I think Groundhog’s Day cards would be fabulous!  Why did he not see this?  I countered with “But, I thought your loved my weirdness.  I could make them super fancy and sparkly if that would make you feel better!”

“No,” he said, patiently “it’s not the sparklyness of the cards that’s the problem.  It’s…you know how sometimes you do something social and everyone responds really … not the way you expected them to and then I have to explain some basic social rule to you?”

“Ha, yes!  Like every day!”

“Yes, well, this is one of those times.  Trust me.  We just don’t send out Groundhog’s Day cards.  We CAN send out Valentine’s Day cards if you want!”

No.  I do not want to send out Valentine’s Day cards.  I want to send out Groundhog’s Day cards, but apparently some of you might be offended and think that I was making fun of your Christmas cards, which I love to receive by the way.  So I thought I would make two cards for you.  One is a Groundhog’s Day card, and the other is a Valentine’s Day card.  You can choose and/or vote on the one you like the best and let me know!  Remember, I choose fabulous Groundhog’s Day card and The Pastor chooses the boring Valentine’s Day card.  You just need to choose wisely.

Also, just consider it your card.

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I’m sure you chose the right one.  I’m also sure that you chose to “like” and share this post, because you make good choices!

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