Let me start this one by saying that I am a pretty laid back person.  My house is not super clean.  I do not care which fork you use at dinner.  I don’t get upset when my kids spill something and I don’t care what they wear in public (I do insist that they actually wear clothes, but that’s about it).  Super laid back, see?  Not neurotic at all.  Keep that in mind while you read this little story I am about to tell you.

The other day The Pastor accompanied us to the library.  This is pretty unusual because The Pastor is extremely good looking.  I mean busy.  Usually he is out saving the world while we go to the library, but this time he had a bit of time to come with us.  The Pastor sees going to the library with me occasionally as his civic duty because that way I don’t bring home every book in the library.  I’ll just bring home maybe half the books.  The conversation will usually go something like this:

Super Hot Pastor:  Honey, I don’t think you need any more books.

Me:  You don’t know what I need!

Super Hot Pastor:  Sweetie, I just don’t think you’ll have time to read all of these books.  Maybe you should leave a few for other people.

Me:  But, these books are like potential friends.  What if I leave the best one here and miss meeting my new best friend?

Super Hot Pastor:  Friends?!  You want friends?!  I have two and a half billion friends I could introduce you to!!!  It will be awesome!  We can go places!  And do things!  I can’t wait!

Me: (glaring) Fine.  I’ll leave some books here.  Now stop with the social stuff.

That was not the way the conversation went this time, though.  This time the conversation was a little different.

The Pastor was walking around absently while I was trying to sneak more books in my bag.  He looked up at a very high shelf and said “Did you know they have puzzles here?”

Yes, I knew they had puzzles.  I just hadn’t checked any out because we have children and a thousand pieces is a lot to keep track of.  Also I am laid back, remember?

“Hey,” said The Pastor “I don’t think we’ve ever done a puzzle together.  We should check it out and put it together as like a couples bonding thing.”

I started to shake a little because, you see, there is a reason The Pastor has never done a puzzle with me.  “Sure.”  I said “Whatever.”

The Pastor then took a puzzle over to the check out desk and returned with his puzzle.  “She said we can only keep it a week.  It’s six hundred pieces.  Do you think we’ll be able to put it together in less than a week?”

“Oh, I don’t think that will be a problem.”  I said, because I’m honest.  What I forgot to mention is that I may have a tiny little problem where puzzles are concerned.

We set the puzzle on the coffee table when we got home where it proceeded to taunt me for the rest of the evening.  “Snarky,” it whispered “six hundred pieces.  All of us just scattered in this box.  We’re waiting for you…”

The Pastor and I had agreed that it would probably be best to wait until the kids went to bed before starting our puzzle.  That way fewer pieces would go missing.  Finally, I couldn’t stand it any longer.  I took the lid off and started removing the pieces.

The Pastor then walked into the room and said “Honey, I thought we were going to wait until…”

“SHHHH!”  I said.  “Send the kids to bed and get over here!”

The kids toddled off to bed and The Pastor sat down next to me.  “Um, is that how you do a puzzle?”  He asked.

The Pastor and I are very different.  I am very introverted, he is very social.  I am very quiet, he is very loud.  I am very laid back, he is very focused.  I take the pieces out of the box one by one and put them in their spots carefully so that when the last piece comes out the puzzle is done, he dumps all of the pieces out on the table and spreads them out like some sort of anarchist.  Apparently we balance each other out.

We compromised and set the pieces on the table face up.  Carefully.  Then we started to put the puzzle together.  Or at least I started to put the puzzle together while The Pastor chatted away merrily while shuffling some pieces around.

“Look,” I said “are you going to keep on talking or are you going to at least TRY to win at puzzles?”

“Um, WIN at puzzles?” he asked  “You know you can’t WIN at puzzles, right?”

“YOU probably can’t win at puzzles.”  I responded  “I always win at puzzles.  I’m like the Brett Farve of puzzles.”

It was at this point that Firstborn entered the room.  “Hey,” he snickered “If you’re the Brett Farve of puzzles, does that make Dad the Tom Brady of puzzles?”

“That depends,” I said “Is Tom Brady an old man who can’t win at puzzles?”

Firstborn decided (wisely) that he should probably go back to his room while The Pastor and I quietly worked on the puzzle.  After a while The Pastor suggested that I go to bed.  I suggested that I finish the puzzle because, you know, winning.  The Pastor then suggested that laid back people didn’t stay up all night because they thought puzzles whispered to them.  That maybe that was the sort of thing mentally unbalanced people did.

I am laid back, remember?  So I went to bed.

I then did NOT lay awake half the night thinking about the puzzle.  The next morning, I most definatly did NOT spend several hours feverishly putting a puzzle together when I should have been doing ten thousand other things.  Then, when I called The Pastor and told him that I may or may not have put the entire thing together myself and he said “But…I thought we were going to do the puzzle together…like a couple…”  I certainly did NOT run home and take half of the puzzle apart just to appear “mentally balanced”.

I didn’t do any of those things because I am laid back.

I am also in need of a twelve step program for puzzle winners.




Do you like to win?  Trust me, nothing will make you a bigger winner than “liking” and sharing this blog!


2 thoughts on “Puzzles

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