Shocking fact #76 about The Pastor and his Snarky Wife:  We do not have television.  I’m sorry if that makes me impossible to relate to.

I will not get your Kardashian references.  I cannot tell you if Sesame Street is still on the air and if Elmo is still screaming about himself in the third person..  I don’t know who won American Idol this year, or even if there was an American Idol this year.   Most of these are things I don’t miss.

There are a few things that I do miss about television.  Things like the Olympics, The Tonight Show, and something called The Voice, which looks like a lot of fun.  Sometimes I miss these things so much that I am tempted to order up some TV.  Then an election year rolls around and I think “Ah yes, this is why we choose not to participate.

When it comes to elections, I do not miss the drama.  I don’t miss the mudslinging.  Most of all, I don’t miss the way people panic and rage.  Somehow we have turned into a nation that is under the impression we are on the verge of Armageddon.  We seem to think the only way to keep it at bay for another four years is to make sure a Republican is in office.  Or a Democrat.  Either way, we seem to have forgotten one very important thing.

God isn’t worried about who the president is.

I’ll wait for some of you to stop hyperventilating here.

But Snarky, you don’t understand.  Right now we have to choose between a sex offender and a murderer to run our country!  We have to decide which evil is less bad, and then put that person in power!  If we choose wrong, we release the antichrist!

No.  Trust me.  You do not have the power to release the antichrist.  Furthermore, you would probably not recognize any type of antichrist if they invited you to sit in their lap on the ferry ride to hell.  You simply do not have that kind of power.  This is something you should be thankful for.

Now, some of you are thinking Ha ha, Snarky!  I know that neither one of these candidates is the antichrist!  I’m not an idiot.  What we do need to worry about is putting Adolph Hitler back into power because that would be terrible!

That would be terrible.  It would also be impossible.  First of all, Adolph Hitler is dead.  Secondly, things never happen the exact same way twice.  Yes, I agree, history repeats itself, so we would do well to pay attention to what happened, but this means that patterns repeat.  Not that evil men rise from the dead and take over the body of any political candidate you deem not holy enough.  The important thing we can learn from Hitler’s rise to power is that oppressed people fight hard not just to overthrow their oppressors, but also to ensure that they are never oppressed again.  Sometimes by any means necessary.  Even if those means include putting someone horrible in charge.

America is not an oppressed country.  We are a lazy country.  If we are going to put anyone horrible in charge it is going to be because we are too lazy to do anything other than look the other way when confronted with their horribleness.  If you want to worry about something, worry about the countries we are oppressing.

But Snarky!  You don’t understand!  None of the people running for president are true Christians!  We need to elect someone willing to let God use them!  If we don’t, God will send earthquakes and hurricanes to destroy us!

Relax!  I have the best news for you!  First of all, things like earthquakes and hurricanes are not punishments from God.  They are weather and plate tectonics.  Science, people.  You would do well to learn about it and be very careful about listening to anyone who tells you differently.

Secondly, if you are still worried about how holy the president is, think about this.  Most of the great people in the Bible who God used to do great things were horrible people!  David raped a woman and then had her husband killed when she became pregnant.  God was still able to use him.  Saul made an actual living off of his hate for Christians.  He took a job arresting male and female Christians alike and is even said to have delighted in the murder of St Stephen.  God still somehow mustered up the strength to use him for great things.

Moses murdered the equivalent of a police officer.  God still used him.

Joseph spent a large portion of his young adulthood in prison.  Rahab was a hooker who God actually rewarded for lying!  Abraham let a king rape his wife and wouldn’t even admit they were married.  Noah was a drunk.  Believe it or not, God was still strong enough to use them.

None of these people were “good” or “holy”.  Jesus even handpicked a group of blue collar workers and IRS agents to be his closest friends.  The rich young man who was probably all good in the eyes of the people, that golden boy didn’t make the cut.

So relax.  While your vote is very important in a short term way, it is not going to destroy the will of God.  I’m sorry to break it to you but you are just not powerful enough to do that.  If God decides that he needs to use Trump to show the world a little something about compassion, or, just for kicks, that Hillary Clinton would make a great prophet to His people, then that’s what He will do.

Because He’s powerful like that.

So stop with the panicking.  Stop raging against people who aren’t going to vote the same way you do.  These candidates are not Gods.  They are human beings.  They do and say stupid things.  They have flaws.  They rose to power in the same way anyone else does in this country, and that way does not include being super honest and cuddly. In the end though, if God wants them to do something then He will take care of it.

So vote for your candidate, whichever one that may be, and be happy for others who vote for their candidates, knowing that whichever candidate wins, God will still have His way.  The four horsemen of the apocalypse will not make their appearance.

Unless, of course, you forget to like and share this blog.