Tricked

The Pastor has a friend who likes to ask the question “If God tricked you, would you even know?” This is supposed to be one of those paradoxical questions that causes you to contemplate the vastness of God.  It is the kind of question that is supposed to cause you to meditate in quiet contemplation for hours.  It is the kind of question that is supposed to leave you feeling all zen and intellectual.

It’s a question that makes me say “Yes.  Next question?”

You see, I have been tricked by God.  He did it, and I knew it.  It left me feeling a little less zen, and a lot more hot under the collar.  At least for a moment.

The last time God tricked me was just a few days ago.

Before I tell you this story, there are two things you need to know about me.

  1. I have taken dominion over the weather.
  2. I am a little concerned about serial killers.

Everyone should be a little concerned about serial killers.  I have seen Criminal Minds and those serial killer guys concern me.

This story could go a lot of ways based on that information.

So, a few weeks ago, The Pastor and I decided to go to a ministry conference.  We both love this particular conference because we always get to hear amazing people talk about fascinating things, and we get to spend a lot of time soaking in the presence of the Holy Spirit so we end up feeling very refreshed and renewed.

Also, we get a break from all of our children.  Mostly the amazing people and Holy Spirit, though.

Now, after we registered for this conference, I noticed that the weather people were calling for a blizzard on the day we were supposed to leave the conference.  I wasn’t worried.  I have taken dominion over the weather.  It never rains on my fun.  Anyone who knows me well will tell you it’s true.  I decided that the blizzard wouldn’t happen at all, and if it did, it wouldn’t start snowing until we were already safe in our own home.

The last day of the conference I woke up and checked out of our hotel with a smile.  The featured speaker had left the conference early and a large number of people had already gone home.  Apparently they hadn’t received the memo.  I had taken dominion over the weather and there was not a flake of snow to be seen.  I smugly sat in my spot and prepared to listen to the last speaker.

As he began to talk, I noticed that I could look right past him and see a neighboring building.  It was a nice red brick building that was suddenly a bit harder to see.  “Hmmm” I thought  “I must need to clean my glasses!”  I was wearing contacts.  It was snowing.  Hard.

By lunch time, word reached us that the highways were being shut down.  We were trapped in a strange town where we knew very few people.  “Um, Pastor?  Darling? Love of my life?  We need to get a hotel room.” I informed him.  Just as I said this, Spunky entered the room.

Spunky appeared to pretty much be a ball of fast talking energy in a flannel shirt and glasses.  Spunky buzzed from table to table offering people a place to stay.  Spunky was local.  And hospitable.  And NOT someone I was going to look at.

Spunky was a stranger and, apparently a lumberjack, trying to lure people into his house during a blizzard.  I have seen enough horror movies to see how this was going to end for some poor soul.  That poor soul was not going to be me.

The Pastor then informed me that staying with someone local would fit into our budget a lot better than a hotel.  I panicked.  It was then that God chose to rescue me.  And by “rescue” I mean “trick”.

God then pointed out a very sweet, kind woman who I actually KNEW.  The best part was that she was also local!  AND, I was almost 92% sure that she was NOT a serial killer! I knew that this kind hearted woman would never turn us down and that we could rest safe and warm at her house.  I thanked God for pointing her out to me and walked over to ask her for shelter.

She was delighted to oblige.  She couldn’t be happier.  She was so thrilled…*gasp* (It was at this very gasp that God was tricking me, in case you miss it)  “You know what? I have THE BEST idea!”

“Uh oh” Said my brain.

“You know, I live like twenty minutes outside of town.  HOWEVER, Spunky lives just two minutes away from here and I don’t think anyone is staying with he and his wife yet!  I’ll go get him!”

“No! Don’t! He’s a serial killer!  I am not ready for Agent Morgan to find my body yet!  My body needs to be 30lbs thinner and a lot less wrinkly before that happens!” I screamed.

That, or I stood there looking like a deer in the headlights.  It’s all kind of foggy.

Spunky almost flew over to where we were standing and looked at me with all of the excitement of an ADHD squirrel high on RedBull.  “It’s gonna be so great!” He shouted “WE CAN PLAY GAMES!”

I didn’t know what kind of games serial killers play with their victims in blizzards, but when it comes to games, I rarely lose. I narrowed my eyes and said something like “You don’t scare me.”

Spunky looked at me with his “super confused” face.

The next thing I know, I’m being introduced to Spunky’s wife, who seems to be shooting sparks out of her eyes at her husband.  Sparky was very pretty.  Could serial killer assistants be pretty?  I didn’t know.

We started to leave for their house when The Pastor leaned over and said to me “It appears that Spunky didn’t ask Sparky if he could invite people over to dinner.  She was really giving him a look!”

“Wait, do you really think they are going to eat us?” I asked, horrified.  The Pastor looked at me with his “super confused” face.  I get that look a lot.

Two minutes later we entered the house of Spunky and Sparky.  It was really normal looking.  That’s always a red flag.

“Go ahead and make yourself at home.”  Spunky said  “Treat it like your own house.”

Well now I was very confused.  Did they really want me to take of my bra and sit on their couch and fart?  Or did he mean I should start doing laundry and yelling at children?  Because if it were my own house, that’s what I’d be doing.  Also, this house was clean.  And decorated.  This was NOTHING like my house.

As it turned out, making myself at home involved having one of the best nights in years.  The four of us talked, laughed, and cried well into the night.  We ate enchiladas and brownies, we looked at pictures, and I read out loud.  The best part?  NO ONE EVEN KILLED OR ATE ME!!!

We enjoyed ourselves so much that they actually had a hard time getting us to leave the next day.  We lingered so long, that they may have wondered if we were serial killers.

So yes, God tricked me and I knew about it right away.  He wanted me to be in the right place so that I could feel happier than I have been in a long time.  So that we could make some amazing new friends and hopefully bring a little joy their way, too.  Also, I maybe learned that all strangers aren’t serial killers.

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2 thoughts on “Tricked

  1. Pingback: Training | The Pastor's Snarky Wife

  2. Pingback: Fitting In | The Pastor's Snarky Wife

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