Choices

I have a confession to make.  I made a bad choice today.  I made a really bad choice today.  I have noticed a pattern in my 20+ years on the planet (Stop laughing. Now.).  I tend to make bad choices when one of three things is wrong.  If I have made a bad choice I am either really tired, really hungry, or really have to pee.  Today’s bad choice was partly made because I was hungry, but mostly it was the internet’s fault.  The internet made me take my kids to McDonald’s.

I hear you gasp.  McDonald’s!  Snarky, don’t you love your children?  Relax.  First of all, I only had two of my kids with me.  Apparently the two kids I like the least.  Second, it’s totally the internet’s fault.  You see, I read on the internet that they are closing down the McDonald’s in many towns across America.  Also we haven’t been to see those golden arches in over six years, which means that Baby Snarky has never experienced the joy that is a happy meal!  I couldn’t let all of the McDonald’s in the tri-state area close with one of my babies being happy meal deprived!

Now, I’d like to say that the reason we haven’t visited Ronald in so long is because I value my children’s health and we only eat organic food that I have raised and prepared myself.  That would be a lie, though.  I am not Super Mom.  One of the reasons we don’t eat there is because my daughter, Huggy, has some food allergies that make deciphering the McDonald’s menu impossible.  Also, I am not fooled by their advertisement of some “Dollar Menu”.  Nothing I want for dinner at that place costs a dollar, and by the time it’s all said and done, we could have eaten someplace better and spent the same amount of money.  Heck, we could have gone to the local Chinese buffet and spent LESS money and my kids would have had the option of broccoli.  (My kids are weird.  They have actually been known to choose broccoli over pizza)

So today we drove through the magical drive through at Micky D’s and made some really bad choices.  I ordered a happy meal for Baby Snarky.  The sweet teen aged girl who was taking our order asked me “Do you want (static) or (static) with that?”  “What?”  I asked. “Do you want (static) or (static) with that?”  “What?”  I asked again.  “APPLES OR GOGURT?!” she shouted.  Confused, I shouted back “NO, I WANT A HAPPY MEAL.  YOU KNOW, A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES!  MAYBE SOME SORT OF TOY FOR ME TO STEP ON!”  It took about four minutes of coaching by this poor girl for me to figure out that there are more choices with your happy meal than I remember.  Baby Snarky chose Gogurt (he had never heard of that delight, either.  It was a meal of firsts.) and an apple juice, in case you were wondering.  Second Son chose a Big Mac, because he is into the classics.

Baby Snarky was very impressed with his meal.  He was silently munching away in the back seat (is there any more American way to eat a happy meal?) when Second Son screamed.  “Oh man!  These fries alone contain half the calories an adult needs for one day!  Oh Dear Lord!  When you add in the Big Mack, it’s almost a day’s worth of calories!”

What?  They are putting the nutrition facts on all of the McDonald’s food now?  Why are they doing this?  Do they think that I am not feeling enough guilt at the moment?  Also, did they have to do this because someone out there thought this stuff was health food?  Is this person living under a rock?  Have they not seen the pink slime video?  Do they have no access to social networking?

Actually, there is a place where people are using McDonald’s as actual nutrition.  These places are called food deserts.  A food desert is an area made up largely of people with very limited income and little or no access to important things like grocery stores.  There always does seem to be access to fast food, however, so the people who live there actually NEED one meal to provide all of the calories for an entire day.  You know, if McDonald’s really wanted to make some money, maybe they could install little inexpensive grocery stores and farmer’s markets in these areas and let everyone enjoy their french fries as an indulgence without printing all three hundred reasons you should feel guilty right on the package.

Snarky, there are healthy choices at McDonald’s too.  You all could have chosen the salad, you know.  Let’s not kid ourselves.  No one actually wants to get a salad at McDonald’s.  I’m pretty sure that at the beginning of the day, each McDonald’s makes exactly four salads and at the end of the day, they end up throwing away two of them.  I’m not saying that you don’t want an eight dollar salad, I’m just saying that if you do, there are much better places to find one.

So anyway, Baby Snarky really enjoyed his first happy meal.  For about twenty minutes.  Then I hear, from the back of the van “Mommy, I don’t feel so good.  That food tasted yummy, but I think it’s making me sick!”

Well, at least he liked the toy, which I plan on injuring myself with in the middle of the night tonight.

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