I have been feeling a little embarrassed lately about not blogging. Embarrassment is simply the feeling you have when something you would have rather kept covered is exposed. It can range in severity from a simple case of flushed cheeks and giggles, to the devastation of a person wishing they were dead. Embarrassment only has one cure. Whether a few minutes or a few years, time will almost always take away that feeling of being exposed. Well, time and a good sense of humor.
In order to help us all laugh at ourselves a little more, I thought I would share two of my most embarrassing adult moments. Now, you might read these two and think Umm, Snarky, I can think of a moment in your life when you should have been WAY more embarrassed than these. Yes, you probably can. Let’s just not go exposing anything I would like to keep covered, okay?
The first of these two stories takes place at Wal Mart. Yes, I am one of those people. You see, I seem to feel that it is my mission to bring a little class and elegance to Wal Mart. I never ever wear my pajamas to Wal Mart. I wear real pants every time. Not even leggings as pants. I’m classy like that. I also have worked very hard at learning all of the tricks I possibly can to keep my children behaving in a certain way when we are out in public. Even in Wal Mart. In other words, my children know from a very early age that there are certain behaviors and opinions that we don’t expose in public. My children are actually pretty good at this. To the point where I started to get a little proud of my parenting abilities. What is that proverb about pride and falling again?
One day, as we are leaving the Mart of Wal, a rather interesting lady flagged me down. She managed to flag me down right between the cash register and the exit. A very highly visible place. Now, this woman was interesting looking because one particular part of her body was pretty disproportionate to the rest of her body. In a way that would make you completely forget the name Kardashian. Of course, I would never call attention to this woman’s disproportionate body part, because I wouldn’t want to expose anything that might embarrass her.
After getting the attention of me, and my children, and pretty much anyone else in the front of the store (her voice also had proportion issues), this woman proceeded to rave about the behavior of my children. How well behaved and well disciplined they were. She also very loudly pointed out that there were some people who could stand to learn a few things about disciplining there children. I can only assume she was referring to someone within ear shot, which was pretty much everyone in the store at this point. I admit I was a little surprised, as just the week before one of my lovely brood had decided, right in the middle of the store, that it was a pants optional kind of day. As in not even leggings.
As this woman raved I started to feel a little proud of my parenting abilities. Then I started to feel a lot proud. Then, suddenly, my mommy alarm went off, code red, and before I could catch my breath, Second Son interrupts by shouting “THAT LADY HAS THE BIGGEST BUTT IN THE WHOLE WORLD!”
…and there would be the fall.
My second most embarrassing story took place at Target. Apparently I was feeling rich that day. Or shopping for a wedding. I was gliding through the store feeling rather good about myself as my children were unusually quiet (Hint to new parents: This is never a good sign!). As I was looking at things I don’t usually get to see like cute shoes and home decor, I noticed that several employees were searching the isles for something. I quickly checked to make sure I had Huggy’s hand when I heard that the employees were searching for a missing child. Finally! I thought A code Adam that isn’t caused by Huggy proving her independence!
After about twenty minutes I started to worry for this lost child and her mother, who must be in a panic by this point. Then, at some point, I gathered from an employee that is wasn’t the child that was missing, but rather the parent. “Are you kidding me?” I exclaimed in a slightly screamy, disgusted voice. “What kind of parent loses their child and doesn’t notice for almost a half an hour OhNoWhere’sSpittingImage!?” Yes, it was my kind of bad parenting that was uncovered that day.
There you have it. Two of my slightly more embarrassing than usual stories. And if you have pictures proving those not to be my most embarrassing moments, I trust that you will keep them covered and off the internet.
I also trust that you will give my blog a “like” and a “share”, because my readers are awesome like that! ❤