Tonight I will write you a little poem about all the things I say “no” to in a day.  No, I have not been drinking.  Yes, they are all real.



I will not stop the car right here

to watch you try to wiggle your ears

You may not breakfast on chocolate cake

Or drink the water from the lake

I do not want to smell your shoes

You may not watch the 10pm news

You may not get up from your nap

It’s only been 3 minutes, chap

I will not smell your hands or thumb

I know it’s gross, I am not dumb

You may not taste my coffee or beer

That does not mean I don’t love you, dear

You may not jump up on my bed

or punch your brother in the head

You may not play penis wars

That’s not what God made toilets for

I do not know where you hid your socks

I won’t ship your sister in a box

You may not do that to the cat

Please do not call that stranger “fat”

The dog does not want to climb a tree

We do not write our names in pee

Please do not scream that word out loud

especially in this quiet church crowd

No, you may not see my bones

or call China on my phone

You may not sleep with a glass of water

You are not an alien, sorry, daughter

Now it’s time to end this verse

I’m sorry, but it could have been worse