Disclaimer:  If you are easily offended, this blog is not for you.  Seriously, stop reading it.  I’m not kidding. 

If you are awesome and like to laugh at yourself, please enjoy as many of my posts as you want.  All complaints should be filed with The Pastor.

I am not small.  As a matter of fact I am over 5’11”.  I am exactly five feet twelve inches tall to be exact.  This has never bothered me.  Much.  Even in junior high, that age where we all feel a bit like we have elephantiasis, I kind of liked being tall.  I like to be able to see over things and reach things on the top shelf.  Yummy things are frequently stored on the top shelf.

Occasionally I would get a little jealous of the shorter girls.  They were just so adorable with their tiny little shoes and their not having to duck when walking through doors.  Also, when I was in junior high, all the boys seemed to want to date the petite girls.  Sometimes I would get a little jealous.  Then I would remember that I was 13 and could eat doughnuts all day long and not gain any weight and I was happy.  I had no shame.  The doughnut thing does not work so well after forty, in case you were wondering.

Recently I was online and noticed an ad for swimsuits.  They were really REALLY cute swimsuits.  They were little dress type swimsuits that covered all those doughnuts and reminded me of glamorous photos from the 1940’s.  Also, they were on sale for ten dollars a piece.  My little heart did a leap.  My only fear was that these perfect pieces of swimwear would not come in my size.  I nervously checked the sizes.  They came in sizes xs-xl.  I was super excited.  I am an xl!   I went right to the website and picked out the cutest one.  Or five. 

Now, I have learned a thing or two since this whole internet thing has become all the rage.  Lesson number one is “Always read the reviews”.  Say it with me, folks “Always read the reviews”.  Before entering The Pastor’s credit card number, I scrolled down to the comments.  Suspicion.  All of the comments appeared to be written by non-native English speakers and they all seemed very generic.  Things like “I am love my new swimwear!  Thank you!”  and “I so happy to have swimwear I wear publicly.  Thank you!”.  Hmmmmmmm.  I wasn’t ready to give up yet, so I explored the site a little more and found a page where you could post questions for the company to answer.  Here is what I discovered.  I am not an xl.  In order to be an xl I would have to be a size 10 tops.  I am a size 16. Or 18 if I want to actually button the pants. 

At first I was a little sad.  I am too fat and disgusting to fit into cute swimsuits I thought.  And then I came back to reality and thought Wait a second.  I have been a size 10.  Size ten is extra-nothing!  Before the birth of my fourth child I was about a size 10.  My stomach was concave.  You could see ALL of my bones.  What is wrong with these swimsuit people!?  I was almost ashamed of my body and that is not okay.  You see, size 18 is beautiful.  So is size 28.  So is size 8.  I love that I can enjoy food and still have beautiful role models like Rebel Wilson, Melissa McCarthy, and Queen Latifah.  I also love that my friends who are naturally thin can have beautiful role models like Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston, and, well, the super model of your choice. 

The really crazy thing is that most of this size shaming, big or small, that is going on is not being done by men.  We are not trying to lose weight so that we can be more attractive to men.  Most men do not care about your size.  What?!  Snarky, are you kidding me?  I am not kidding you.  Most men do not care if you are a size 0 or a size 40.  They do not care if you are 4’8″ tall or 6’5″ tall.  They don’t care if you have rolls, a double chin, stretch marks, or if your ribs stick out.  Most men just want a woman who feels sexy in her skin (yes, I did say sexy and skin.  I’m married so it’s okay).  Most men want a woman who feels free to laugh, argue, and eat.   They will barely even notice if you are wearing makeup, what color your hair is, or if you even have hair.

Are there men who care about this stuff?  Yes, there are a handful of them, and no matter what size you are, you will never be good enough for these men.  These very few men are dissatisfied with themselves, usually for non physical reasons, and taking it out on women.  What’s worse is that we as women are so dissatisfied with something inside of ourselves that we feel the need to make other women feel inferior about what is on their outsides.  This is wrong.  It might even be the ONE thing we should be ashamed of.  I can think of only one way to break this horribleness.  Just be who God made you. 

If you are a size 0, show it off with those slinky little dresses.  If you have more curves than a scenic country road, show it off with jeans that make your fanny look fabulous.  If you are taller than most NBA players, wear stiletto heels (if you are talented enough to do so without hurting yourself).  If you are too short to ride the roller coasters at most amusement parks, do….whatever it is that short people do to feel great about their petiteness (sorry, I have exactly zero knowledge of what short girls do to look extra short and cute).  Because being happy with who you are is contagious.  Spread it around.


Do you know what else you should spread around?  This blog, of course!


4 thoughts on “SIZE

  1. Pingback: The Announcement – The Pastor's Snarky Wife

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