I started blogging as therapy. I thought it would be good to get my thoughts down somewhere because I
was am going through a confusing time and everything was getting jumbled up in my head. Most people would be smart and go to a therapist. I am not smart. Also, I don’t talk much. This works out perfect for The Pastor who is very talky and likes to have someone to talk at, but if I were to see a therapist I’m pretty sure it would go something like this.
Therapist: Hello, Snarky. How are you doing today?
Me: *shrugs shoulders*
Therapist: So, should we talk a little about why you’re here?
Me: *shrugs shoulders*
Therapist: I’d really like to hear about how your day was.
Therapist: So, it says on your form that you are having a hard time organizing your thoughts. What kinds of things are you thinking about?
Me: *quietly through clenched teeth* Are you ALWAYS this nosy?
I thought it would be good to get my thoughts on paper, or a computer screen, instead. At first I didn’t publish anything. I didn’t see a need to. Then I thought I’d be oh so brave and share my thoughts. I’m not sure why I had the urge to do this. Maybe I’m going even more crazy, you see I am an introvert. Like really introverted. I like my personal thoughts to stay personal. It’s not that I don’t like people, I just don’t like to deal with the exhausting complexity of relationships. I have heard that most people fear public speaking more than they fear death. I don’t understand this. Neither public speaking nor death scares me much, but it seems like a pretty ridiculous statistic. Public speaking is easy. You don’t have to try to figure out what any one else is thinking AND you get a script. Dealing with a personal relationship is far scarier. Possibly even scarier than sharks.
So I published a blog post. Maybe it wasn’t scarey because it was a little like giving a speech. I didn’t have to worry about what the reader was thinking. I didn’t have to care if I was boring people. They could just stop reading. Anyway, it could just be for fun. It’s not like anybody was going to read it. People read it. I was a little surprised by how MANY people read it. I think my friends were just relieved to see that I did have thoughts. I’m not sure where all the rest of the people came from. Then it got weird. People liked it. What? Well that was unexpected. Then a lot of people started reading it. Who are these people and why are they reading my thoughts? Then some not so nice comments came in. And you know what? It didn’t even bother me! So I started to write some more. This is how I do it.
1. Sit down at the computer. Stare at it. Try to pick one of the jillion thoughts in my brain to write about.
2. Try to separate those pesky thoughts. It’s a bit like untangling the worlds biggest ball of yarn after a ginormous cat has played with it. Or untangling ear bud cords.
3. Start to feel a strange desperation to write. I need to write something. Why can’t I write something. Dear God, help me write something!
4. Realize that desperation is just the need to pee. Take care of that and pick a theme.
5. Write for 45min
6. Proofread for an hour.
7. Spend an hour and a half with the cursor hovered over the Publish button talking myself into it. Come on Snarky, you can do it! Just click!
8. Publish on facebook.
9. Find all of the grammar and spelling errors. Now. After it is published. Apparently I can’t read my own writing unless it is published on the internet.
10. Spend the next twelve hours refreshing the Stats page to see how many people have read the post. No way! New Zealand?!
I’m not sure how this is therapeutic, but it is. Organizing your thoughts is good. Realizing that you are not alone is good. Communication is very good. Therapy is good. Sometimes you just have to do it your own way.
What’s your favorite kind of therapy?